past the bewilderment where the words are sticky, where they are afraid of their own magic.
cry cry cry cry crying all the way through my zoo escapade.
i went to the zoo hoping to commune with some animals.
and there i stood, looking at peacocks in full array and there i started to cry.
and then cry cry.
it was so beautiful, i wanted to fly fly.
and there i was sad too,
enclosed within a giant fence, as protection i knew.
and their golds mingled with their green and blue,
it couldn't be that ever i could say they flew.
it would never be
again. and so i cried and cry because i love the peacocks.
i escape from nothing.
many words have been floating in and out, altho i remember none!! almost like beginning a painting, seeing colors at night right before the big-fall-asleep. and then upon awakening remembering nothing, except that the experience has happened, and usually i am aware of that. and so it is becoming with the words, or the feeling of the words. can words feel? i suppose they are as sensual as colors and images. only they are learned, and they do not come apriori, or do they? so many languages within language. the language of green, the language of purple, of english, of sorcerers, of poets, of buddhists, the language of dharma, of zen, of rabbis and priests, preachers of the saintly wisdoms, speakers of hallucinations, of having seen white light, of growing old, of becoming young again, of cosmic investigation, of meditating on one's navel, of believing in foreverness, of reunions, reincarnations, of meeting anew, of filtering out what does not behoove you on your journey, of becoming friends again with your lover your brother your sister your keenest admirer, you ardent flesh of flesh puppy, mosquitoes that you want to ignore, all the language that fits into one compartment, all the visual codes and migrations of seeing those sufis spin away in ecstasy, whatever one can imagine, or not or think one can, or only hear as words, or as literal physical realities, as real as you want, as brilliant as your fuzzy eyes will allow.
the sungazing continues, it has grown into 3 minutes a day at sunset time, i see yellow after i first look away, yellow beams,sometimes greenish. did light go into my brain, my eyes, my soul. i am not to question too much, it is has been handed down to me to do this ritual, and so i do it thinking it is good for my everything, and that i glow and pass on the glow to whomever comes into contact with me....