or maybe two weeks one day oh I don't remember exactly because it has been so long running
the arroyo becoming smoothly aflow becoming so comely so true
I almost believe you are real with your waters so finite
water like wind
instantly adrift and instantly away
what do I know?
And so it is that it has been, now what... almost 5 months wheeling around as a one legless one yet still two legged. Perhaps it is time for me to learn how to hop, altering from “robin-one-hop” to robin-hopalong”, choosing one over the other for each occasional outing, trusting left leg over right leg, trusting truth over honesty?? Left leg and foot had major surgeries thirteen years ago, it took about 6 months between hospitalizations and recovery to start walking two-hop again. I remember it all very vividly, the pain, the medications, the visions, the doctors, the fears. This time all is easier (although those medications, oh yuck, such muck!!), with kind doctors, visions with gentle mindscapes to escape to, less fear, open landscapes to watch daily......
And with all this joy also the inescapable nothingness, a back and forth of yes and no of myfault nofault, of mind over matter, of matter over mind, of heartsong, of birdspeak, of riverrun.......... such immense pleasure to be had, and sorrow too.
I look at my leg, scarred and spindly and waiting for renewal through walk and dance, wanting to feel nofeeling of metal brushing heavily, or nofeeling of what I remember nofeeling might be. Smile, quiet, wait want growth expanded trust. Questionings, youthful as a teenager, that mystery either being exciting or fearsome or something in between what I know and what I do not know, precision not allowed here!!!
I have been painting in those little poetry chapbooks, trying to listen to the grace, to the beacon within me, pulling in the light from the big windows and god to maybe make a good painting from a deeper knowledge that I know is a wisdom beyond me. Existential boundaries, boxes within the spiral of creation and of the flowing arroyo....